Head Tube
Tubing to the Mekong, Laos
The waltz of the Mekong, Vang Vieng
As sports go, in terms of sophistication "Tube" is the height of the darts. More similarities between the pipe and darts are that, like darts, tubing is a sport that involves no physical exercise and during the "athlete" is encouraged to consume large quantities of beer.
If you want to go tubing, all you need is an air chamber tractor tire and a river. Then you deposit at the center of the tube, legs dangling over the edge, and float downstream. The object of the exercise: relaxation, drink many cold beers as possible and flirt with the maximum number of foreigners.
I know the ins-and-outs because I'm currently in Vang Vieng in northern Laos, the capital of the pipe in the world.
The Vang Vieng tubing experience for three or four hours and, essentially, involves absorbing the sun and cold beer in the bamboo riverside bars equipped with music, chord changes, zip wires and jumps. Among bar breaks, the day slips by majestic Tripper Mekong tributary of the Nam Som, bumping into random strangers and admire the spectacular scenery, which is composed of limestone cliffs rising rice fields.
I'm about to board one of the tires, but before being carried away by the river, I want to ensure that the river does not swallow my phones (I have more than one but no, I read several times each lao I am, because I have a 'Mia Noi "-" little wife "or mistress). In theory it should be well, because I have a dry bag: an elongated rubber bag folded more than seven times and held by clicking on the backpack-style clip.
Previously, the dry bag store clerk had insisted that their product does the job. It was considered doubtful and cross - which considered both to be angry. Finally I spent a sum of 20,000 kip, suspected I was paying over a zero, before jumping into a van with six other passengers - a mix of Korean middle-aged British children sabbatical and goatee, the Scandinavians dreadlocks.
About 500 adventurers do the trip up the Nam Som every day. I realize that I am the 195th, according to the doodle pen in hand, as I remove my tube in the river. "
The tube is removed quickly, forcing me to run after him. Falls and fall, scraping their knees on the rocky river bed, causing several small children to laugh and whisper "farang ting tongs" (Foreign crazy).
I climb back in. This time, the tube horse rears up like a malevolent and I fall, back, back in the mud Mekong tributary.
Finally, Success in the planting of my interior and steering with your hands, start slowly cruise a little dirty green river, whose flow is interrupted by rapid, fortunately, have less recoil than a water garden feature inspired by Feng Shui.
Soon a bamboo platform tall skyscraper stands to my left. Next to it hangs the first bar in sight, belting out Ricky Martin La Vida Loca, a song sung by pirates usually drink on the way to a firing squad, which I read once.
Holding the stick of bamboo boats that extends a bartender, I know land reel to a dispersion of the British led by Guy, Home Counties type with air as it looks and not a hair out of place. As I took my bottle of bolus size Beer Lao, Guy tells me to get too drunk is a bad idea. Only last week a girl who jumped from one of the podiums crashed head to head in a tube-rider.
The tube-rider apparently escaped serious injury. But that "jaw ripped off," says Guy, giving credit to a blog entry I read, which reported a drowning. I squirm. Everyone is silent.
Just to prove I am as childish as the young people that I'm drinking, I feel forced to pull at least one trick Tarzan. So I finish my beer and make my way through the thin bamboo ladder, grab the handle of the slide and check air no one is underneath. I zoom down the cable speed and collide with the River.
A sound of bubbles. My body knife through water, traction experiences made a prisoner, broke up and then picks up momentum through the surface. That certainly blew the cobwebs.
Coaxed and cajoled by boys, Guy English rose bride goes towards the stairs, looking like someone who walks the table. Following his passing touch, soon followed by squad Guy. The last time I see him, he is mounting another platform much higher with a gay gesture.
As I turned a bend in the river and disappears him, I guess he perfectly executed dive swallow. Attracted by a barrage of Britpop, I turn to the next bar, dip into my dry bag and rummage around for a wad of money, only to discover that I'm up to my last 40,000 kip. Ay!
In the heat of Faithless and The Arctic Monkeys, I ask the waiter Liverpuddlian blonde misery what they are buying. "A small beer" he says.
After finishing it, I have to go tee-total, which is perhaps, in the light of the observation of Guy, a blessing. As the game speeds up and gets into full swing, I get tired of the noise and all the young traveler tedious and cliché-talk - How much this and that bus / boat / plane / dinner / Shirt / battery / box of matches costs. I continue down the river, and then settle for a time in a quiet riverside plaza formed by an excess supply of weed.
I fall into conversation with a paralegal Guangdong, who recently left work to go to roaming. We ran together and become a double donut until, in the period leading to a series of rapids, she walks away and waves good-bye.
I do nothing - I just spin and see a goat chewing the grass. It seems to do this in extreme slow motion, but maybe this is just an illusion effect that I had more slow. The improbable happens - I relax. I bathed in a pleasant and unusual sense of in-the-moment-quiet. I can see why some people become addicted to the pipe and make the trip up to 10 times.
I slowly turn through fog toward a herd of buffaloes taking a dip. They are without a body, a surreal mix of huge heads with ropes through their noses. As we near the start, and then decide.
Beyond the buffalo, two local ford the river, looking impossibly statuesque with bundles of bamboo in the head. A splash my camera, which reminded me that, here, if you want to take a one photo, you should ask first. Laotians are very shy.
All the wonders more than during the 1960s, America saw fit to dropped more bombs on the country that were used throughout World War II. Laos has the dubious honor of being the most bombed country in history. Thanks to the bombings, people - often children - still get maimed in the field of Laos today. But the girl, now about me in the low end of the journey has an air tube of indestructibility.
She tries to bring me my pipe, while asking for money. Failure to pay as I have heard that if I do, she will leave with tube and never return to base, forcing me to pay a fine.
As I'm getting my tube bullet with Guangdong paralegal and I'm not surprised when she refuses to my invitation to dinner - well, it was a rather optimistic, I guess. Maybe I'll have another walk by the river tomorrow.
If the visit to Thailand why not visit one of the best currently in the country three beach destinations:
Koh Lao Liang: http://www.andamanadventures.com/kohlaoliang.shtml
Ao Nang: http://www.andamanadventures.com/ao_nang.shtml
Railay / Tonsai: http://www.andamanadventures.com/railay-tonsai.shtml
About the Author
The author runs Andaman Sky Co., Ltd, specialising in climbing and diving trips to Thailand’s best beach destinations.
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